Tried and True Review: 01 EHS School Desks

By Justin Garrison and Anna Newby

Welcome to the Tried and True Review, a column hereforward taking up a beautiful little piece of real estate in Elkhorn High’s very own, Antler Express. With this mighty section we will review mostly anything – within reason and moral boundaries. You suggest it, we review it. There will be a suggestion box placed in Mr. Jenson’s room (C209), drop us a line (er .. a note) and we swear upon our lives that we will publish a mighty review of your chosen products, pieces of art, and various food and drink items.

Seeing, however, that this column has just begun it’s new life, we will supply the first subject of scrutiny: Elkhorn High School’s desks.

Picture this, it is the first day of school and you’re walking into your class. This is the last time your eyes will ever be ignorant of the horror to come. At first glance, your chosen spot appears to be just a regular desk; with perhaps an oddly shaped top. But, foolishly assuming that it is alright, you sit down. All at once, you feel your body slumping further down than intended and the pencil you precariously placed on the desktop rolls off and falls into oblivion. As you’re struggling to free yourself from this surprise prison, the whole surface of the desk tears from its frail brackets and clatters to the ground with a deafening roar. This is a true marvel of modern engineering.

Since we’re getting knee deep into all the doom and gloom of everybody’s best friend, we feel obliged to give the little table that could some credit. It is a fairly light weight chair/table combo with a useful armrest (that is if you are right handed) and enough space to sit comfortably. Also, if by some lucky chance you have an archangel looking over you, your desk will have a firmly attached top, a pencil holder, and an unbroken bottom rack along with the recessive genetic trait of being well oiled and not squeaky. Unfortunately, you most likely do not, in fact, have one such being watching over you, and therefore, can only expect to be allocated a maximum of two of these ailments.

On the bright side, they are easily dissembled, on the downside, roughly two desks per year shatter under the weight of an unexpecting high school student. An injury with a far greater likelihood of happening is tripping on a backpack and falling face first into the cold hard ground. This is due to the fact that the only reasonable placement for a bag is directly where one must enter or exit their seat -any other arrangements would require Mr. Fantastic arms or an unbelievably willing buddy.

Don’t just take it from us, here’s what other students have to say about their experiences. Senior Connor Seagren said “They’re small, I can’t really fit in them” and that in his calculus class “the seat on the desk next to mine fell off”. Another senior, Anthony Sufficool, said that “I have to sit to the side to get comfortable” but “they are good for seated volleyball”. So, at least there’s that.

In short, a student must always remember to not expect too much of the desks, but must also be aware of that fact that there are golden seats out there.

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